My first post is going to highlight a *what not to do* when your little one is just off the hook terribly behaved. I'm going to use my neighbor as a perfect example of really bad parenting style
My neighbors house is right across the very small street we live on, so I see this horror without even trying.
Some of the worst parenting I have EVER seen, and here it goes.
Yesterday my son and I were out in our front yard building sand castles, and we saw the little boy across the street go out of his yard, and down the street. Not a problem in my eyes if your 12, but this child is 3.
His mother just a few seconds later, comes flying out of the house screaming at him.
*Get your fu**ing as* back in the yard now!*
* Get back here or I'm going to bust your butt*
Along with all of that was a string of obscenities directed right at him, and it didn't end until she had chased him down, and dragged him back into the yard kicking and screaming, and yes cursing at his mother, the same as she had cursed at him.
The problem here is not the child, the problem is the parent, the lack of mutual respect, and absolutely no communication.
The above is not raising a child, this is having a child in your house. There is a huge difference.
Now you probably have never had a situation this bad, but in case you have a child that screams no, or has a bit of a listening issue, here is the fix.
Let's say your child is little and does run out of the yard the second your not looking. DO NOT yell and scream at all, this breaks down trust on the child's part, and will guarantee that your little ones ears shut off and pretend not to hear you.
Instead the moment you have them by the hand, tell them how scared they made you, be honest, express to them how it made you feel seeing them run off. Children learn from that, not only that it makes you sad or scared, but it teaches them important lessons on feelings, and thinking of others.
Once your back inside sit down with your child and have an honest talk about why its not OK to run off without mommy or daddy.
Explain to them about the dangers of cars.
Explain about getting lost, and not being able to find home.
Tell them how it makes you sad, and scared when you don't know where they are, and mention how much you love them.
Ask them why they ran down the street.
If communicated in a calm manner, none of the above will scare a child, even at 3. I know this because my own 3 year old has been communicated with like this from the start. He will now, in matter of fact way, explain to his friends why he isn't going to leave the yard, and why they shouldn't.
Communication is a huge factor in parenting. Children are not property, they are not unthinking non humans. I have met so many parents that have never thought of just talking to their kids in a normal everyday manner, its confounds me.
Instead they stick with the old *Because I said so* or *That's just how it works* or my favorite * You don't need to know why, just do it*
Children understand a lot more then we give them credit for.
They crave their parents time and explanations, they really do want to hear you explain everything to them. It fascinates them, teaches them, and opens doors to communicating with you the same way.
My little boy will be 3 in a few weeks, and I can have a conversation with him.
He will tell me if I have made him sad or mad or happy, and why. He asks if something is a good idea, BEFORE he does it, because he KNOWS he will get an honest, real answer from me.
It's not difficult, its not hard to learn, it should be the most natural thing in the world. Our society has gotten to a point though, where we treat children like beings who just simply wouldn't understand most topics in the world. This just isn't true.
Your child is a human being who wants to know *why*. You are an educator (parent) who is supposed to explain why. Make sure they have the same ability to talk to you, if your child wants to tell you how mad you made them, let them. Expressing your feelings is healthy in a communicative relationship. It not only opens the doors so you and your little one can get to know each other, it gives them a healthy outlet to express themselves in a more mature way without screaming, and without tantrums.
There isn't a child on this planet that WANTS to have a tantrum, it is the last resort of little ones who feel they aren't being listened to, and have not been taught the normal way to express themselves.
This works for everything. Talk about daily events, talk about TV shows, talk about why this does that, and why that does this, how things work, and why.
Open the doors of honest communication with your child, and you will see an almost immediate change in maturity, and behavior.
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