First I'm going to explain what the Ferber method is, and why its used for any that don't know.
The
Ferber method is a system for getting babies who have trouble sleeping,
to go to sleep. In this mans book he encourages using this method for
babies as young as 3 months, which I find quite distasteful at best. So
here is how it works.
You put your baby to bed awake (as he
stated in his book, they must be awake for it to work). Now if the baby
starts crying, you are to sooth them only by patting them on the tummy
or stroking their head. You are not to pick them up, or talk to them,
and as soon as they are quiet you are to leave the room.
If the baby
starts to cry again, you wait longer then the first time to go in and,
without talking, dimply pat them get them calm, and leave again. So the
method goes, each time your child cries, you are to leave them for
longer and longer before trying to calm them.
That;s basically it
in a nutshell. By the way, the above method was started by a man, who
after all of my research apparently doesn't even have children of his
own. Something to think about.
I can't imagine how many little
ones have been alone, screaming for their mommy, with no answer. I just
don't understand why women pick up these nonsense fads and actually use
them on their children.
The above method in my eyes is utter
rubbish. Common sense tells me without even researching this, that it is
a horrible way to show your child you are there for them, will probably
destroy basic trust in you, and leave an infant feeling alone,
helpless, unwanted, and unloved. You can't train a baby to sleep, they
are either tired, or they aren't, its that simple.
By using this
method though, you can assure yourself a good nights sleep as your child
will be so exhausted from crying, they will finally give up and go to
sleep.
So lets check out some research on this method, also called Crying it Out, shall we?
Everyone
of the studies below has a bit to say on the Ferber method, even though
none of them were ON the Ferber method. Ferber's method leads to
excessive crying, depression, attachment disorders, stress, anxiety, and
can actually LEAD to more sleep issues. The studies show that the above
mentioned has a huge impact on IQ, development, can lead to trust and
behavior issues later in life, and can almost destroy the mother child
bond that isn't even fully developed yet.
This
horrible method, that goes against everything my parenting has ever
stood for, will never slime its evil, uncaring, way into my home, and I
truly hope that any parents thinking to use this, reconsider.
Just
pick that tiny, helpless, scared little being up and love it with
everything you have. That's what baby wants and needs from you, as mommy
and daddy.
THE STUDIES, simply copy / paste them into your browser, they pop right up as archived research.
M R Rao, et al; Long Term Cognitive Development in Children with Prolonged Crying, National Institutes of Health, Archives of Disease in Childhood 2004; 89:989-992.
J pediatrics 1988 Brazy, J E. Mar 112 (3): 457-61. Duke University
Ludington-Hoe SM, Case Western U, Neonatal Network 2002 Mar; 21(2): 29-36
Schore, A.N. (1996), “The Experience-Dependent Maturation of a Regulatory System in the Orbital Prefrontal Cortex and the Origen of Developmental Psychopathology,” Development and Psychopathology 8: 59 – 87.
Karr-Morse, R, Wiley, M. Interview With Dr. Allan Schore, Ghosts From the Nursery, 1997, pg 200.
Kuhn, C M, et al. Selective Depression of Serum Growth Hormone During
Maternal Deprivation in Rat Pups. Science 1978, 201:1035-1036.
Hollenbeck, A R, et al. Children with Serious Illness: Behavioral Correlates of Separation and Solution. Child Psychiatry and Human Development 1980, 11:3-11.
Rosenblum and Moltz,
The Mother-Infant Interaction as a Regulator of Infant Physiology and
Behavior. In Symbiosis in Parent-Offspring Interactions, New York:
Plenum, 1983.
Hofer, M and H. Shair, Control of Sleep-Wake States in the Infant Rat by Features of the Mother-Infant Relationship. Developmental Psychobiology, 1982, 15:229-243.
Wolke, D, et al, Persistent Infant Crying and Hyperactivity Problems in Middle Childhood, Pediatrics, 2002; 109:1054-1060.
Stifter and Spinrad, The Effect of Excessive Crying on the Development of Emotion Regulation, Infancy, 2002; 3(2), 133-152.
Ahnert L, et al,
Transition to Child Care: Associations with Infant-mother Attachment,
Infant Negative Emotion, and Cortisol Elevations, Child Development,
2004, May-June; 75(3):649-650.
Kaufman J, Charney D.
Effects of Early Stress on Brain Structure and Function: Implications
for Understanding the Relationship Between Child Maltreatment and
Depression, Developmental Psychopathology, 2001 Summer; 13(3):451-471.
Teicher MH et al, The Neurobiological Consequences of Early Stress and Childhood Maltreatment, Neuroscience Biobehavior Review 2003, Jan-Mar; 27(1-2):33-44.
Leiberman, A. F., & Zeanah, H., Disorders of Attachment in Infancy, Infant Psychiatry 1995, 4:571-587.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
The Truest Form of Hope and Inspiration From a Man Who Couldn't Walk Across His Own Floor
Normally I write about children, and parenting issues, however one of my
parents sent this video to me through e-mail, and it inspired me to
write. I found it to be one the most inspiring things I have ever seen.
Its a wonderful testament to the idea that anything is possible if you
just put your mind to it.
The video shows one of our vets after the golf war. He is told he will never walk normally again, he becomes depressed and gains weight. He explains that he just gave up for awhile, until he found the one person willing to make a miracle a happen, its a beautiful story.
Sometimes I think there just isn't enough stories like these in the world. These days all you hear about are the bad things that happen daily, The TV news, and newspapers are full of the daily horrors, everything from murder, to the latest robberies. It just seems like the worst is what we as humans focus on now. Violence and hatred in movies, and TV. Death, destruction, hatred and anger all over news networks. It doesn't make for a very pleasant outlook on life.
I don't know about you, but I wish news would focus on the good that happens, the inspiring, the touching stories. I want to hear more about humanities good aspects, and all the wonderful things they have done daily, instead of what I get. Sometimes I think if we changed the way we are looking at the world, it would become the better place we hear about.
Anyway the video below is just wonderful, and shared with permission. I hope you enjoy and for a few short moments, see the world in s better light.
http://www.downvids.net/words-cannot-express-how-amazing-this-video-is-for-anyone-doubti-283253.html
The video shows one of our vets after the golf war. He is told he will never walk normally again, he becomes depressed and gains weight. He explains that he just gave up for awhile, until he found the one person willing to make a miracle a happen, its a beautiful story.
Sometimes I think there just isn't enough stories like these in the world. These days all you hear about are the bad things that happen daily, The TV news, and newspapers are full of the daily horrors, everything from murder, to the latest robberies. It just seems like the worst is what we as humans focus on now. Violence and hatred in movies, and TV. Death, destruction, hatred and anger all over news networks. It doesn't make for a very pleasant outlook on life.
I don't know about you, but I wish news would focus on the good that happens, the inspiring, the touching stories. I want to hear more about humanities good aspects, and all the wonderful things they have done daily, instead of what I get. Sometimes I think if we changed the way we are looking at the world, it would become the better place we hear about.
Anyway the video below is just wonderful, and shared with permission. I hope you enjoy and for a few short moments, see the world in s better light.
http://www.downvids.net/words-cannot-express-how-amazing-this-video-is-for-anyone-doubti-283253.html
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
What Spanking Really Teaches, From a Former Spanked Childs Point of View
I decided long before I had children that spanking wouldn't be a parenting option.
There are tons of articles out there claiming that spanking lowers IQ, creates low self esteem, leads to bad choices in life, and overall makes a not so well adjusted child.
I do agree with a lot of the above, but the biggest reason I decided not to spank was remembering what spanking made me think about, and do as a child.
Mt parents were spankers, not the abusive, beat you down style, just the spanking as a tool style. I can still remember vividly bunches of times I did something that was considered bad, and got a spanking. My parents tried to teach me not to lie, steal, or cheat, and to be a good person.
The problem is spanking didn't teach me anything about being a good person, it taught me to not get caught if I was going to lie, cheat or steal. The only thing I had to worry about if I did any of those things were my parents, and the punishment. It also confused me, as they were telling me hitting doesn't solve problems, and that I shouldn't hit others, they were hitting me.
They weren't creating a moral code in me, they were just hitting. It doesn't matter what words come out of your mouth if your spanking, your children will hear none of it. Children have a unique defensive mechanism that makes them shut off during spankings, I remember this too. I heard nothing while I was hit, I just remember wanting it to be over so I could go back to my room, and be left alone.
Another memory I have that is vivid, is the way I felt about my parents when this spanking would happen. Simply put, it made me not like them. I mean each time I got a spanking It made me love my parents a little less. No...I'm not kidding.
What I felt was angry, angry that someone who was supposed to love me was hitting me, angry that I felt like less then a person when it happened. As an adult I really have no feelings towards either of them now. I don't think I have spoken to either of them in around 10 years. Not because I hold anger and resentment now, no that's been gone for quite awhile, No the reason is that the parent child bond was killed long ago with the spanking and I just have nothing left for them,
This is just a psychological fact, if someone is hitting you, after awhile you just are not going to love them anymore. It might take a long time, maybe years as in the cases of verbally, and physically abused wives, but it will happen. That moment where you realize that you absolutely do not like, or have no feelings at all towards the person or people who hit you is inevitable. No one will continue loving an attacker, and that is essentially how I saw my parents for a long time after.
I have never told either of them this. In reality I see them as very flawed human beings who took the easy path to child rearing instead of actually trying to learn about their children.
When I had my first child at a very young age, she is the one who taught me morality. I knew I wanted a better way to do things..for her. God, the universe, a higher power, whatever you want to call it, sent her to me so I could learn a loving way to view the world. So I could re invent myself as a human being with love and understanding.
I would not be the same person if it weren't for each one my children and my husband, the true teachers of love, compassion, understanding, and morality.
I truly wish parents who favor spanking would re think the whole matter. Your children will never tell you this, but your teaching them nothing, and creating some very hard feelings that may play out as they become adults.
There are tons of articles out there claiming that spanking lowers IQ, creates low self esteem, leads to bad choices in life, and overall makes a not so well adjusted child.
I do agree with a lot of the above, but the biggest reason I decided not to spank was remembering what spanking made me think about, and do as a child.
Mt parents were spankers, not the abusive, beat you down style, just the spanking as a tool style. I can still remember vividly bunches of times I did something that was considered bad, and got a spanking. My parents tried to teach me not to lie, steal, or cheat, and to be a good person.
The problem is spanking didn't teach me anything about being a good person, it taught me to not get caught if I was going to lie, cheat or steal. The only thing I had to worry about if I did any of those things were my parents, and the punishment. It also confused me, as they were telling me hitting doesn't solve problems, and that I shouldn't hit others, they were hitting me.
They weren't creating a moral code in me, they were just hitting. It doesn't matter what words come out of your mouth if your spanking, your children will hear none of it. Children have a unique defensive mechanism that makes them shut off during spankings, I remember this too. I heard nothing while I was hit, I just remember wanting it to be over so I could go back to my room, and be left alone.
Another memory I have that is vivid, is the way I felt about my parents when this spanking would happen. Simply put, it made me not like them. I mean each time I got a spanking It made me love my parents a little less. No...I'm not kidding.
What I felt was angry, angry that someone who was supposed to love me was hitting me, angry that I felt like less then a person when it happened. As an adult I really have no feelings towards either of them now. I don't think I have spoken to either of them in around 10 years. Not because I hold anger and resentment now, no that's been gone for quite awhile, No the reason is that the parent child bond was killed long ago with the spanking and I just have nothing left for them,
This is just a psychological fact, if someone is hitting you, after awhile you just are not going to love them anymore. It might take a long time, maybe years as in the cases of verbally, and physically abused wives, but it will happen. That moment where you realize that you absolutely do not like, or have no feelings at all towards the person or people who hit you is inevitable. No one will continue loving an attacker, and that is essentially how I saw my parents for a long time after.
I have never told either of them this. In reality I see them as very flawed human beings who took the easy path to child rearing instead of actually trying to learn about their children.
When I had my first child at a very young age, she is the one who taught me morality. I knew I wanted a better way to do things..for her. God, the universe, a higher power, whatever you want to call it, sent her to me so I could learn a loving way to view the world. So I could re invent myself as a human being with love and understanding.
I would not be the same person if it weren't for each one my children and my husband, the true teachers of love, compassion, understanding, and morality.
I truly wish parents who favor spanking would re think the whole matter. Your children will never tell you this, but your teaching them nothing, and creating some very hard feelings that may play out as they become adults.
Monday, November 26, 2012
When Was The Last Time You Played Like Your Child?
Our society these days has become rushed, Parents spend a majority of
their time running around fetching this, running that errand, and
running, running, running.
It just never seems to stop. It has become so bad that in most homes even dinner time has become a sped through, gotta get it done, just to get it done task.
When was the last time you actually PLAYED with your child.
I don't mean making block towers, or pushing buttons on those electronic books and toys, I mean PLAYED. Full out, in character, imagination going full steam, played.
Not a lot of parents do this anymore, and I just don't understand why not. Active play is so important to a child, and parents joining in just makes their day
You can incorporate full on play into pretty much any situation even if your constantly busy. This is an example of an errand I had to run, and how I turned it into playtime.
Little man and I were invited to a birthday party this past weekend, which means going to pick out the birthday present for the birthday kid. My little guy was already playing pirate and I hate to interrupt good play, so I used this as a chance to get to play with him again today, and the birthday present hunt turned into a pirate treasure hunt.
After picking out the perfect pirate outfits, mommy and baby pirate went in search of the coveted pirate booty...the birthday present.
We found our prefect pirate ship conveniently parked tn our driveway, and after getting buckled into our pirate seats, off we went over the seven seas in search of our treasure.
Not long after setting sail, dodging a few other pirates, and avoiding a giant man eating jellyfish monster, we found an island that our hand drawn treasure map said was there.
Then came the really fun part, exploring the island we named toy store, and seeing if the treasure we were looking for was real. We snuck up and down aisles, peeked around corners, outran a scary troll, and finally found girl forest ( the aisle with the girl toys).
Little man had lots of fun, I had lots of fun, and the people in the store thought it was awesome. I really don't care what people think, but it is always a bit more fun when you can get a few to play along.
Its just a small example of what you can do to not only help your child's imagination grow, but add some fun to any errand or outing you have to do. Children thrive on their parents playing in their world.
Active play with your child can also be used as a teaching tool. Children learn much easier by playing then by memorizing facts from books.
The next time you have active play with your child, make it historical. Maybe instead of being a pirate you can be explorers named Magellan, or Christopher Columbus, or vikings from long ago.
You can pretend to be the wright brothers inventing the plane in your backyard. Or Thomas Edison, or Benjamin Franklin....the sky is the limit. You can pick anyone or anything from history and turn it into the best family time your little ones will remember forever,.
Your children will have fun, you will have fun, and everyone will learn something.
It just never seems to stop. It has become so bad that in most homes even dinner time has become a sped through, gotta get it done, just to get it done task.
When was the last time you actually PLAYED with your child.
I don't mean making block towers, or pushing buttons on those electronic books and toys, I mean PLAYED. Full out, in character, imagination going full steam, played.
Not a lot of parents do this anymore, and I just don't understand why not. Active play is so important to a child, and parents joining in just makes their day
You can incorporate full on play into pretty much any situation even if your constantly busy. This is an example of an errand I had to run, and how I turned it into playtime.
Little man and I were invited to a birthday party this past weekend, which means going to pick out the birthday present for the birthday kid. My little guy was already playing pirate and I hate to interrupt good play, so I used this as a chance to get to play with him again today, and the birthday present hunt turned into a pirate treasure hunt.
After picking out the perfect pirate outfits, mommy and baby pirate went in search of the coveted pirate booty...the birthday present.
We found our prefect pirate ship conveniently parked tn our driveway, and after getting buckled into our pirate seats, off we went over the seven seas in search of our treasure.
Not long after setting sail, dodging a few other pirates, and avoiding a giant man eating jellyfish monster, we found an island that our hand drawn treasure map said was there.
Then came the really fun part, exploring the island we named toy store, and seeing if the treasure we were looking for was real. We snuck up and down aisles, peeked around corners, outran a scary troll, and finally found girl forest ( the aisle with the girl toys).
Little man had lots of fun, I had lots of fun, and the people in the store thought it was awesome. I really don't care what people think, but it is always a bit more fun when you can get a few to play along.
Its just a small example of what you can do to not only help your child's imagination grow, but add some fun to any errand or outing you have to do. Children thrive on their parents playing in their world.
Active play with your child can also be used as a teaching tool. Children learn much easier by playing then by memorizing facts from books.
The next time you have active play with your child, make it historical. Maybe instead of being a pirate you can be explorers named Magellan, or Christopher Columbus, or vikings from long ago.
You can pretend to be the wright brothers inventing the plane in your backyard. Or Thomas Edison, or Benjamin Franklin....the sky is the limit. You can pick anyone or anything from history and turn it into the best family time your little ones will remember forever,.
Your children will have fun, you will have fun, and everyone will learn something.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
The Wild Road Runner Child, and how to fix it.
There was an episode of SuperNanny I watched not long ago that had advice about getting your children to walk with you, instead of streaking around, and possibly getting hit by a car.
There were 3 out of control children who would run off and not listen or walk properly with their mother. They would take off down the sidewalk, run into the street, out into parking lots...you get the idea. The children were ages were 4, 8 and 10.
SupperNannys fix for this?
Make a game map of the route to be walked, turn it into a game and let them spot land marks along the way.When they would spot a landmark they would get a sticker.as a reward. This would engage them in walking with the parents instead of taking off and running wild. While this sounds great in theory, It is utter nonsense in reality.
The so called fix taught the kids nothing, nothing about safety, nothing about respecting their parents, nothing about the reality of traffic, and traffic dangers. When the stickers run out, or mom doesn't have time to make a map the trouble will start all over again. If the game even lasts that long, if this is a route you walk everyday, the kids will get bored with it soon enough, and your right back to running wild.
So here is how you actually get your child to understand that walking with you, instead of running off, is the appropriate thing to do. At the same time they are learning the dangers of traffic, car awareness, and responsible walking habits.
I will start with how to incorporate it while they are young, thus avoiding running wild altogether, and move on to fixing the running off in older children.
My son was 2 when I first took him for a walk out of stroller. The first thing I did was to buy a tether, some people call them a child harness. I am an advocate of these as temporary learning tools for children. The child feels as if they are walking separately, yet you remain in control in case they do decide to just streak off. A child harness will not make them feel bad about themselves, or make them feel less then human.They come in cute designs, or characters, some with pockets for snacks or a small toy. My son is now 3 and every once in awhile still wants to wear his. I never used the harness as a punishment, so it has no bad connotations about it. It was just expected, if he didn't wear it he didn't go, that simple.
Starting with the first time you ever go for a walk child entow, explain everything the whole time your walking.
Talk about cars, how fast they go, how they can't see very small people easily. Talk about their weight, and how they stop. Explain what would happen if they ran into the road and a car couldn't stop.
Yes it does sound scary for a kid, but it is for us too. There isn't a person out there I know who isn't afraid of being hit by a car. Being scared of being run over is what keeps it from happening. It's a natural survival sense, and not abnormal. You want kids to learn this, because st young ages they have no fear of cars, so they have no fear of running into streets.
With my son I used * squished like a pancake* to get the point across. It didn't make him terrified of walks, but it did make him careful and wary of cars.
Let them help by pushing the cross buttons if you have them. Talk about the cross and don't cross signs and the difference between the two.
Before crossing point out left and right on the street and how to look for cars.
I also took time to explain about not darting straight out when the walk light comes up because some people like to run their red lights. My son takes a second now to make sure each car has stopped before he steps off the curb.
If you go over all of the walking and road safety as your walking its engaging them in learning. Most little ones learn best while doing, because most children are visual, hands on learners.
Keep this up. Do the same talks about safety, cars, and traffic every single time you walk, and in no time you will have a child that has learned why not to run wild on walks. It took one month for my guy to catch on.
This is the same method I use for older kids who run wild and never learned traffic safety. The exact same method. I don't care if they are 5, they go on harness. They definitely don't like it, but it works, and I would rather have an angry on harness 5 year old, then one who just got run over. I have never had this method fail. Normally the learning curve is 2 weeks for older kids.
Nothing beats a child that knows what not to do, and it makes for wonderful family walks.
My son is 3, off harness, and sometimes reminds me what not to do while walking, its a beautiful thing.
There were 3 out of control children who would run off and not listen or walk properly with their mother. They would take off down the sidewalk, run into the street, out into parking lots...you get the idea. The children were ages were 4, 8 and 10.
SupperNannys fix for this?
Make a game map of the route to be walked, turn it into a game and let them spot land marks along the way.When they would spot a landmark they would get a sticker.as a reward. This would engage them in walking with the parents instead of taking off and running wild. While this sounds great in theory, It is utter nonsense in reality.
The so called fix taught the kids nothing, nothing about safety, nothing about respecting their parents, nothing about the reality of traffic, and traffic dangers. When the stickers run out, or mom doesn't have time to make a map the trouble will start all over again. If the game even lasts that long, if this is a route you walk everyday, the kids will get bored with it soon enough, and your right back to running wild.
So here is how you actually get your child to understand that walking with you, instead of running off, is the appropriate thing to do. At the same time they are learning the dangers of traffic, car awareness, and responsible walking habits.
I will start with how to incorporate it while they are young, thus avoiding running wild altogether, and move on to fixing the running off in older children.
My son was 2 when I first took him for a walk out of stroller. The first thing I did was to buy a tether, some people call them a child harness. I am an advocate of these as temporary learning tools for children. The child feels as if they are walking separately, yet you remain in control in case they do decide to just streak off. A child harness will not make them feel bad about themselves, or make them feel less then human.They come in cute designs, or characters, some with pockets for snacks or a small toy. My son is now 3 and every once in awhile still wants to wear his. I never used the harness as a punishment, so it has no bad connotations about it. It was just expected, if he didn't wear it he didn't go, that simple.
Starting with the first time you ever go for a walk child entow, explain everything the whole time your walking.
Talk about cars, how fast they go, how they can't see very small people easily. Talk about their weight, and how they stop. Explain what would happen if they ran into the road and a car couldn't stop.
Yes it does sound scary for a kid, but it is for us too. There isn't a person out there I know who isn't afraid of being hit by a car. Being scared of being run over is what keeps it from happening. It's a natural survival sense, and not abnormal. You want kids to learn this, because st young ages they have no fear of cars, so they have no fear of running into streets.
With my son I used * squished like a pancake* to get the point across. It didn't make him terrified of walks, but it did make him careful and wary of cars.
Let them help by pushing the cross buttons if you have them. Talk about the cross and don't cross signs and the difference between the two.
Before crossing point out left and right on the street and how to look for cars.
I also took time to explain about not darting straight out when the walk light comes up because some people like to run their red lights. My son takes a second now to make sure each car has stopped before he steps off the curb.
If you go over all of the walking and road safety as your walking its engaging them in learning. Most little ones learn best while doing, because most children are visual, hands on learners.
Keep this up. Do the same talks about safety, cars, and traffic every single time you walk, and in no time you will have a child that has learned why not to run wild on walks. It took one month for my guy to catch on.
This is the same method I use for older kids who run wild and never learned traffic safety. The exact same method. I don't care if they are 5, they go on harness. They definitely don't like it, but it works, and I would rather have an angry on harness 5 year old, then one who just got run over. I have never had this method fail. Normally the learning curve is 2 weeks for older kids.
Nothing beats a child that knows what not to do, and it makes for wonderful family walks.
My son is 3, off harness, and sometimes reminds me what not to do while walking, its a beautiful thing.
Children and Video Games Part One
There are a million studies about the
effects of video games on the brain. Everything from how they will turn
your child into a coach potato zombie to creating ADHD.
There are entirely too many studies from too many industries claiming they are all correct. I have found studies on everything from *Eating dirt will make you smarter* to * Video games will make your kid stupid*
I have also discovered that if you want to make a study proving your point, you just have to have the money, and people who agree with your viewpoint. Needless to say you don't even really need credentials. There are no organizations that monitor studies to make sure they are true or scientific, or even based on fact.
I could take just a few hundred bucks, write up my own study and publish it online. I could claim that eating earthworms will cure diabetes. I know that sounds ridiculous, but its how it actually works.
The large portion of studies out there, even the ones with big names attached, are nothing more then some large company's opinion.
Now with that being said, I'm going to include this. If you have a child with some behavior issue, like ADHD, video games may not be the best way to go. Logically thinking video games could make the problem worse. This is just a guess on my part, as I have no experience with ADHD children.
In my home we don't rely on studies, we rely on critical thinking and common sense to figure out what's good for our kids. Its been 100% effective so far.
So here is my real life, have seen it and done it myself, EXPERIENCE letting my kids play video games in part 2.
There are entirely too many studies from too many industries claiming they are all correct. I have found studies on everything from *Eating dirt will make you smarter* to * Video games will make your kid stupid*
I have also discovered that if you want to make a study proving your point, you just have to have the money, and people who agree with your viewpoint. Needless to say you don't even really need credentials. There are no organizations that monitor studies to make sure they are true or scientific, or even based on fact.
I could take just a few hundred bucks, write up my own study and publish it online. I could claim that eating earthworms will cure diabetes. I know that sounds ridiculous, but its how it actually works.
The large portion of studies out there, even the ones with big names attached, are nothing more then some large company's opinion.
Now with that being said, I'm going to include this. If you have a child with some behavior issue, like ADHD, video games may not be the best way to go. Logically thinking video games could make the problem worse. This is just a guess on my part, as I have no experience with ADHD children.
In my home we don't rely on studies, we rely on critical thinking and common sense to figure out what's good for our kids. Its been 100% effective so far.
So here is my real life, have seen it and done it myself, EXPERIENCE letting my kids play video games in part 2.
Children and Video Games Part Two
So the first bit of advice is going to be this.
1) Make sure your child is ABLE to learn computer games. Younger then 2 will probably just end up with you needing to buy a new computer.
2) Find something that fits your child's interests instead of trying to GET them interested. I picked a silly little cartoon game called Fate for my little guy. He was already into monster slaying, swords, and grand armor, so the game fit him perfectly.
Children love to learn new things, especially if they see their parents doing it. My little man has seen me on the computer a lot. I write, read articles, and yes play video games. So he was all for it when it became his turn to give it go.
At first it was tedious. I had to sit with him the whole time, fixing computer issues caused by roaming fingers, closing programs he had accidentally opened. There were quite a few restarts needed, quite a few times.
But the benefits are astounding for someone his age.
what started out as clumsily trying to figure out what the mouse does has become proficient game usage, in a matter of 2 weeks.
He can do the in game fishing. Which requires patience and good timing as you wait for a fish to hit your line, then quickly click the mouse timing it just right to actually get one.
He can then sell those fish to town vendors. This requires map reading skills to get there. Hand eye coordination to remove fish from your pack and drop into vendors pack.
He can use the potions. All the potions are color coded. Health is red, Antidote is purple, Stamina is yellow. This has been immensely helpful with him learning colors, and quickly. My boy is a hands on learner, meaning he learns faster if he is engaged in something. Flashcards don't cut it with him.
He can equip his character with armor, all on his own. This amazes me. In order to place equipment on a character you have to match complex shapes and ideas to place them in the right slot on your character. So instead of learning just basic shapes like his peers, he is learning to identify more complex shapes and patterns.
He can run the dungeon by himself. This is not perfect yet, but he is getting dramatically better every time he plays. Running the dungeon requires really quick reflexes to avoid and bonk monsters. Map reading skills, and the ability to know left from right.
Everything he learns from just playing a simple game also translates to the rest of the computer.
At age 3 he can pull up his favorite netflix video, turn on my favorite radio station, play his game, work a mouse with adult dexterity, and recognize letters, shapes, and numbers on a keyboard. Before you know it he will be using a computer like a pro.
He now wants me to teach him to read and write so he can e-mails his daddy at work or read ME stories at bedtime, and that's exactly what I'm going to do.
He spends an hour a day right before bedtime playing his game, and there have been no adverse effects.
He still loves to go outside and play.
He still loves to play with his friends.
So while the rest of his little friends are hearing *no no* to playing video games, or touching the computer, he is jumping light years past their learning level.
The skills he is learning by engaging him in a simple video game are translating to the computer, and into real life in a very energetic and powerful way. It has turned learning into a game for him, a game he is determined to win. It will not surprise me a bit when he has his own business, and employees at the age of 20.
I am and always will be a huge advocate of computer games for kids.
1) Make sure your child is ABLE to learn computer games. Younger then 2 will probably just end up with you needing to buy a new computer.
2) Find something that fits your child's interests instead of trying to GET them interested. I picked a silly little cartoon game called Fate for my little guy. He was already into monster slaying, swords, and grand armor, so the game fit him perfectly.
Children love to learn new things, especially if they see their parents doing it. My little man has seen me on the computer a lot. I write, read articles, and yes play video games. So he was all for it when it became his turn to give it go.
At first it was tedious. I had to sit with him the whole time, fixing computer issues caused by roaming fingers, closing programs he had accidentally opened. There were quite a few restarts needed, quite a few times.
But the benefits are astounding for someone his age.
what started out as clumsily trying to figure out what the mouse does has become proficient game usage, in a matter of 2 weeks.
He can do the in game fishing. Which requires patience and good timing as you wait for a fish to hit your line, then quickly click the mouse timing it just right to actually get one.
He can then sell those fish to town vendors. This requires map reading skills to get there. Hand eye coordination to remove fish from your pack and drop into vendors pack.
He can use the potions. All the potions are color coded. Health is red, Antidote is purple, Stamina is yellow. This has been immensely helpful with him learning colors, and quickly. My boy is a hands on learner, meaning he learns faster if he is engaged in something. Flashcards don't cut it with him.
He can equip his character with armor, all on his own. This amazes me. In order to place equipment on a character you have to match complex shapes and ideas to place them in the right slot on your character. So instead of learning just basic shapes like his peers, he is learning to identify more complex shapes and patterns.
He can run the dungeon by himself. This is not perfect yet, but he is getting dramatically better every time he plays. Running the dungeon requires really quick reflexes to avoid and bonk monsters. Map reading skills, and the ability to know left from right.
Everything he learns from just playing a simple game also translates to the rest of the computer.
At age 3 he can pull up his favorite netflix video, turn on my favorite radio station, play his game, work a mouse with adult dexterity, and recognize letters, shapes, and numbers on a keyboard. Before you know it he will be using a computer like a pro.
He now wants me to teach him to read and write so he can e-mails his daddy at work or read ME stories at bedtime, and that's exactly what I'm going to do.
He spends an hour a day right before bedtime playing his game, and there have been no adverse effects.
He still loves to go outside and play.
He still loves to play with his friends.
So while the rest of his little friends are hearing *no no* to playing video games, or touching the computer, he is jumping light years past their learning level.
The skills he is learning by engaging him in a simple video game are translating to the computer, and into real life in a very energetic and powerful way. It has turned learning into a game for him, a game he is determined to win. It will not surprise me a bit when he has his own business, and employees at the age of 20.
I am and always will be a huge advocate of computer games for kids.
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